So, i haven't written in this for a while. I think it's just about time to do so once again. I leave for california tomorrow, and i can't wait. I mean it's going to be incredible. I really can't even describe the excitement that is pulsing through my veins right now ya know? i mean all of you that are going to school soon have felt it. It's that feeling of knowing that you will soon be completely in control of your life. It's that feeling of knowing that i'm starting my life. My life begins thursday. Ha...all except for one woman.

Her name is Dawn Sumner. Officer Dawn Sumner. She is my probation officer. See, on friday of last week i went to court to finalize everything that has been happening with the whole getting arrested thing. I just have to laugh in absolute disgust every time ithink of this whole ridiculous thing. But anyway, i was given my punishment. I am sentenced to a year of probation (in which i will have to mail in to the officer,) 40 hours of community service, a letter of apology to the woodlands mall, and some fines. A word of advice to all reading this and thinking...what the hell did he do to get arrested and i hope it never happens to me...don't question a security guard/rent a cop's authority. ever.

Ok, so i've been assigned probation. Now, Dawn Sumner is my probation officer for one year. When i went to register with the office, they told me that i wouldn't have to check in until the thursday after i got to LA. Well, Miss Sumner calls me on monday morning, the day of my shopping thing with my mom, right as we're heading out. she tells me that i have to come down to see her right this very minute. I was shocked, but submissive. I just want this whole thing to end... But anyways, she's a tight, pursed lipped woman in her 30's. It seems like she's on a bit of a power trip. I hope i can soften her up a bit. She kind of looks a bit constapated when she's talking. Damn i can't wait until this is over and done with in a year. What a way to spend my freshman year in college. But in all reality, i think the only thing miss sumner may need in the end is a big bottle of this-----

It's been a while since i made an entry on this...thats only because i didn't think i'd bother you all very much with the personal problems of ross. I mean i know they can be interesting sometimes...but, well, yea.

A couple things you should know though...Allie and I did break up. You see, after we got back together this last time, i continued to think about everything. I continued to think about and worry about the problems that i forsaw in the future. I thought about a few specific long distance relationships and the problems that the couples involved have had. I didn't want that to happen to allie and I. I didn't want anything to happen to us that would jeprodize the incredible friendship that we both have. It was such a hard thing for me to do, and i'm still hurting because of it, but it is the right thing to do. I know it is. once all of this gets sorted out, we will now both have each other to comfort each other when we're upset. We can now be there for each other and keep each other stronger in different ways. We no longer have to, and this sounds like i'm being wrong, feel obligated to constantly please someone who is 2000 miles away. See, the thing is, is that with this college thing happening, we both need to be able to, for a while, experience everything and learn everything without the responsability of a relationship for some amount of time.

I in no way did this so i could see other people. I still have strong feelings for allie. She's my best friend. She knows me more than any other person besides my family. She knows my heart. she knows who i am and what i believe in. I still do need her beside me, in my life, just not in the same way. It will be extremely different, but better for right now.

Well it's been a couple of days since i wrote anything on this. I've been preocupied with absolutely nothing. It's crazy...though i've had the time to write, i haven't. I guess it's kind of nice to not have anything to do ya know? It's like, as the time of me leaving for college gets closer and closer, i find myself just wanting to soak in all of this here....in texas. I find myself spending more time smoking a cigar with friends, talking with old friends who bring back great memories, and just making sure that i remember everything here.

I mean isn't it crazy that in just a few short weeks i'll be leaving everything i know. I'll be leaving those i love...everything. moving on to a new world. Wow. I'm so excited, yet so...almost...aprehensive...? It seems so surreal. so unexpected. i mean it seems like it was just yesterday that i was sitting at my house on my two acres, and i was thinkin to myself how crazy it was going to be to be in highschool...how it was going to be forever until i was in college. Time flies doesn't it? Gone are the days of absolute bliss, knowing what tomorrow would bring.

Do you ever have that feeling in life where you're being held inside of something so constricting, so restricting, that you want so badly to explode, but you can't? You want to explode from inside this, this box, but you can't seem to get out. no matter how hard you try, you can't escape the confines of this prison that you've set yourself inside of?

I've been having that feeling for quite sometime now. It's somethign i've brought upon myself. It really is. I've made myself my own little prison, and i know that despite my want to leave, i'm stuck.

If only i could go back and redo some of the things that i've done. If only i could re-establish some of what defines my life right now. I mean, for the most part, i'm completely happy with who i am, what i've become. As far as the type of man i am becoming, i am pretty much proud to say that i'm me, but as far as some of the decisions i've made concerning certain parts of my life, i'm unhappy with their outcomes. I have unintentionally trapped myself inside my own, handmade prison of decisions.

i just want to break out of it. Break out of my restraints. I want to be free of it all. Free of the confinement. It just seems like it's time. I think the only way to know for sure, is to pray about it.

Ok this song makes me laugh. Think about it. "you gave me a kiss, it was something like this, it made me go oh...oh?!?" I mean what kind of kiss makes someone moan and go "oh..oh?" That's just weird. It's just that kisses are supossed to be sweet, gentle, and soft. They are supossed to make someone sigh...not moan. Theres something else happening behind that kiss. I think you're just too angry that you already gave it all away. Nice try avril, but i know you're hiding something.

GRR! I'm AVRIL LAVIGNE and I'm mad at the world!!

I went to go and take my police abuse pics to my attorney today. That sounds funny. But iwas just thinking how cool it was to have an attorney. I mean think about it. You always see people on TV with attorneys, saying cool stuff that no one else gets to say because THEY don't have an attorney. But now...I can say things like "My attorney will handle that." Or if there is something big that only important people can handle, like court with a judge and a jury..." I'll have my attorney take care of it." Or if i'm getting interogated by the police i can say " I won't say another word unless my attorney is here!" It's great! If i'm in court and my attorney isn't there, i can ask "Where's my attorney?!?"

And, I can tell him that i want his babies...i mean...uh...i like girls.

Heh...you can't say those things.



HEh that's me and my attorney...not really.